Between working and going to school, I don’t find any spare time for myself. It feels like those two spaces have consumed me whole. I don’t have the energy to dress up like I used to. I consume dangerous amounts of coffee to feel any excitement. And I’ve begun to prematurely gray – and not even in a cool spot, I’m graying in my widow’s peak so it’s much more noticeable. Ultimately, I don’t recognize myself anymore and it’s making me feel a little directionless. Thankfully, Carlay’s “silly sad girl song” makes me feel a little less alone in this experience.
Carlay’s “silly sad girl song” is an alternative-pop ode to feeling aimless in life that utilizes heavy symbolism to express this sentiment. The song opens with airy synths that mimic a clock ticking. This is not only a symbolic reminder of how much time has already passed, but how we feel time is actively passing by us while feeling lost in life. It also helps establish some background for the first verse; it’s been some time since the artist has felt like themselves. Even when they do find the energy to build themselves up enough to go out in the second verse, they “trip on my clothes on the floor”. This is a double entendre: there is a literal and figurative meaning within this lyric. Clothes being on the floor perfectly capture the state of disorganization we find ourselves in when feeling aimless. It also represents the dissatisfactory relationship we develop with ourselves when in this emotional state because we’re fully conscious of the fact that we’re not ourselves right now. Carlay emphasizes on this relationship with ourselves in the third verse: “I hate the silence / Walking down the stairs / It all echoes backwards / Reminds me that no one is there”. This verse is powerful – it acknowledges how we no longer feel at home within ourselves when feeling lost. On top of already feeling aimless, we’re confronted with the fact that we’ve lost a piece of our identity, too. The chorus drops, and summarizes the notions we’ve become familiar with in the previous verses. But the melody suddenly takes on a bouncy mood – it’s an emblematic change in attitude to feeling lost. Whereas before we were quite self-critical, we’re now coming to terms with being in this state of mind. We’re now embracing feeling lost – the embracement of it eventually leads to finding our way again.
Carlay is a singer, songwriter, and producer based in Toronto, Canada. The artist’s discography has confessional-styled songs that give listeners a glimpse into their life and emotional state. Their musical creations directly reflect their view on music; music is a way to detail and recount the many moments that make up our life. By creating music that’s so deeply intimate, Carlay provides listeners with an immersive experience that allows them to transport to different occasions within their own lives. If you’ve enjoyed the artist’s music as much as I have, show them some virtual love in the form of streams, likes, and follows.
Written by Giavanna Gradaille
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